Insatiable Insanity

We've all heard the often quoted definition of insanity: repeating the same action and expecting different results. How many of us have seen this come to fruition in our own actions? I bet the percentage who must answer in the affirmative has grown considerbly over the past few days.
What am I talking about? Eating yourself stupid over and over again, that's what.
Blogger's mother decided to torture her guests by dry aging an amaizing piece of prime rib for 6 days before the feast. This subtle temptation to eat myself into a mumbling stupor, coupled with double stuffed baked potatos, creamed green beans with crispy onions, and no knead doughy buttery pan rolls, worked like a charm. Blogger was forced to waddle downstairs and lay down for an hour, muttering to himself that he would never make the mistake of going back for thirds ever again.....at least not for 12 hours.
After going for a run on Christmas morning (a run that lasted all of 20 minutes due to my prime ribbed body) I finally felt as if I was starting to recover from the previous night's debacle. Then my Uncle showed up with 2 freshly caught Silver Salmon directly from the Puget Sound that would be prepared for Brunch.
Brunch, as in Breakfastlunch, as in morning time! Knowing that I was already fucked, I started stuffing myself with cheese, scones, spinach dip and eggs. Why the hell not.
By the time dinner arrived, and with it the lamb that I had helped to prepare and marinate that morning between lascivous gorging and lamentful lazing on the sofa, I had already given up on the idea of not repeating the same mistake as the night before. Hence the confirmation of insanity.
Blogger won't make this mistake again, unless by some odd twist of fate Christmas rears it's ugly meaty head this time next year. Then all bets, and belts, are off.

Finn-ally Over

After months of tireless work, the wait is finally over. According to Blogger's kick ass stat counter, Catalonic has finally lured its first Finnish reader to the Blog. That means only 73 more Finn's needed before Blooger has captured the entire Finnish population with access to the internet (according to 2005 BMIP* statistics).
As Blogger holds his non-German readers in fairly low esteem, his exhaustive and extensive knowledge of Finland has been condensed into the following list:

Fantastically Fun Facts For Finland

1. Finn's hate corruption, love Reindeer.

According to transparency international, Finland has the second lowest level of corruption out of all countries surveyed in 2005. Finland is also the worlds largest producer of Reindeer droppings. Low on corruption, high on droppings.












2. The Paper Clip was almost invented by a Fin.

Contrary to popular belief, the paper clip was not invented by a Fin, but instead by Johan Vaaler, a Norwegian inventor with a degree in electronics, science and mathematics in March, 1899. Finnish lore has it that native son Jukka-Pekka Pulkkinen, having spent his entire adult life working on how to smoke the rest of a joint when it gets really really small and starts to burn your fingers, was on the verge of a breakthrough before his mysterious dissapearance in February of 1899. Months later, Vaaler announced his ingenious paper clip (roach clip) to the world, a design eerily similar to Pulkkinen's final sketches. The resulting suspicion and bitter jealousy served to fuel the fire of a centuries old feud between the two nations dating back to the Laplander Wars of the 12th Century, and the great Reindeer Fraud of 1723.

3. Public Enemy #1: Donald Duck

Finland banned Donald Duck due to his lack of fictional Duck Trousers, and bizarre lack of Duck Genitals. To Blogger's (extensive) knowledge, this is the only country to have banned an animated animal for indecent exposure, not counting Iran and the whole fattwah thing with Salman Rushdie, who based on Midnight's Children is most likely a cartoon.




4. If you Want to Drink GIN, Hire a Fin!
(quote by Ron Dennis)

Hard Alcohol consumed by Finns per year 27,551,000 litres
Beer consumed by Finns per year 404,193,000 litres
Squirrels killed by Finns per year 3,620

Coincidence? I leave it for you to decide.

For more fun Facts about Finland, click here


* BMIP (Blogger Made It Up) is an internationally recoginzed body for the dissmenation of facts and figure. For more information about this international body, see previous posts including 1-2-3 Speedo and Germans's Love Blog.

Finals

So you think shutting down access to the world of internet that
exists outside of IESE can stop Blogger?
HA!
Blogger cannot be stopped, nor can you hope to contain Blogger. With
email posting capabilities, Blogger is invincible.
INVINCIBLE, DO YOU HEAR ME? (laughing maniacally in library. People
don't seem to notice. Finals.)

Financial Accounting Final in 15 minutes. Should be studying. Must
rationalize blogging with accounting jargon.

Dr. Accrued Procrastination (A+) 60 minutes
Cr. Long-term remorse (OE+) 60 minutes

This message has been scanned for viruses by TRENDMICRO,
an IESE technology affiliate company and global leader in antivirus and content security software.

Auf Wiedersehen

It's time to say goodbye to German centric posts. Not because Blogger has run out of material, which flows in his mind like the mighty Rhine, but because (according to my kick ass stat counter) quasi German humor attracts Dutch readers like posts about Decision Analysis Professor Franz Heukamp attracts Germans. This means something has gone terribly, terribly wrong. Horribly wrong. Tragically wrong.

That being said, I would like to offer a reward for anyone who can translate the following phrase:

ti che te tachet i tac, tacum i tac. mi tacà i tac a ti? tacasi ti i to tac!

The reward has yet to be determined, but may consist of one or several of the following:

1. Signed and personalized picture of Blogger in Speedo on Spanish coast.
2. 2005 tax returns prepared by Blogger (GATT standards only).
3. Candlelight dinner with Gorgeous George Ottathycal at a Barcelona restaurant of his choosing.
4. A decision analyzed by Decision Analysis Professor Franz Heukamp.

All entries are subject to independent verification.
In case of a tie, names will be placed in a hat, which will then be doused with gasoline, set on fire, and placed on Blogger's flatmate Francis Lewis' head while he is sleeping. Rules and regulations apply.
Not available in Holland or the Netherlands.

Merkeled!

Blogger's stomach is a bit off kilter thanks to gratuitous helpings of Gluehwein, a warm spiced red wine beverage enjoyed by Germans during the holiday season. My German beverage anthropology may not be up to snuff, but it seems to me that this is definitely of Bavarian origin, as warm spiced wine is a little soft to hale from the Prussian side of the German leather vest. The only thing warm and red a true Prussian drinks is the flowing blood of his freshly vanquished adversary.


Happy Merkel Everybody!

The Velvet Fog Does Christmas

I find it very ironic that many of the best known Christmas carols of American origin were written by Jews. Anyone who knows blogger can tell you that this is in no way a negative commentary as many of his best friends are Jews and depending on the time and place, he claims to be one. It is simply a point of comic irony, as Jews don't celebrate Christmas, and killed Jesus.
Here are some of my favourite Christmas songs, written by some of my favourite Jews:

* "White Christmas" by Irving Berlin
* "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" by Johnny Marks
* "Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow" by Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne
* "Silver Bells" by Livingston and Evans
* "The Christmas Song" (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire) by Mel Torme

What does this all mean? I have no idea, as I can never remember a time when Christmas had any religious meaning to me, other than facilitating my capitalist worship of toy consumption. But I'm pretty sure Jesus is somewhere shaking his head in disappointment, most likely Texas.

Germans Love Blog

The results are in: Germans love this blog.
According to my kickass stat counter, German's can't get enough of this blog, and who can blame them? A quick scan through the most recent posts sheds some light on why nearly 45% of all visitors of this blog over the past 48 hours have been from Germany. A sampling of possible reasons: derisive comments about Belgium ; a close up shot of blogger in a Speedo on the Spanish coastline; Decision Analysis professor Fanz Heukamp.
Ask yourself, what says 'I'm German' more than a Speedo on a Spanish beach. Given the lack of creativity I associate with all of my non-German readers, I have decided to answer this seemingly non-rhetorical question with some suggestions of my own.

5 Things German's Love More than Speedos on the Spanish Coast:


5.David Hasselhoff


















4. The Hoff And Puppies!















3. ChristmasHoff ! (I'm pretty sure that's actually a German word)





















2. Naturally, The Hoff in a black Nightrider Speedo




















1. Finally, the 1 Thing Germans Love More than Speedos and Spanish Beaches..........


David Hasselhoff in a Speedo on the Spanish Beach with Blogger and Decision Analysis Professor Franz Heukamp.

Dangerous Ground

Blogger's world has just been turned upside down with the discovery of the "Mail to blogger" function. If this works as planned, blogger will have ability to blog with unprecedented facility. Blogger about to hit send. The outcome will greatly influence blogger's already paltry level of productivity and propensity for procrastination. The question is, in the words of Fernando Peñalva, does blogger's jackass equity increase or decrease (note thumb and index finger imitating the Peñalva wiggly pinch motion).

Blog is tearing Blogger apart

How much time spent blogging is too much? Those of you who answer 'any amount of time' are just jealous and will soon have blogs.
With finals beginning next week, blogger should be studying the Critical Fractal, or at least the Equity Method. Instead, blogger has just spent 1 full hour superimposing his face on that of a women in order to add a little character to a post that no one will ever read save himself and possibly a few friends also procrastinating.
But what is truly more valuable in the long run? The supply side decision making tools that may help me impress during an interview, or possibly save millions of dollars for some multi-national corporation selling endocrine disrupting plastic pacifiers to former Soviet-bloc countries? Or is it the fifteen minutes of sheer pleasure derived from perfecting the hairline on a 3x3 image? Fuck, it’s the supply side option, isn't it?

Back to work I guess (and by work, I mean adding witticisms to my blog).

Silly, Belgium

This post was originally intended to pay homage to the victims of the Ghislenghien gas explosion, and those of us who have endured three months of excruciating role-play as the managers of Fluxys. Blogger felt that, as the Crisis Communication Manager, it was his duty to address the closure of this important chapter. Instead blogger came across the quote attached below on the BBC website, and has decided to change the topic of the post to: Belgian Jackasses and the Overuse of the Exclamation Point.
I can only imagine that living in a town with a name like Silly, Belgium would result in a never ending stream of negative stereotypes, such as being a slaphappy pederast. Ms. Maddie Fross, an UK ex-pat living in Silly, was given the chance to put an end to these negative misperceptions on the world stage that is the BBC website, but decided instead to exacerbate the slander free-for-all by writing seven exclamation points in a paragraph consisting of only three sentences. Seven.
Further, Maddie implores the readers to recognize 'how difficult it must have been for a British citizen living in Belgium to understand the extent of the disaster'. Excuse me? How does being a Brit in Belgium have anything to do with understanding a huge ball of flames taking the place of the building that used to be across from your Silly house? For example, my unsuspecting flatmate Francis Lewis (a Brit living in Barcelona) has no problem realizing the extent of the disaster when I light his hair on fire at night. He immediately begins screaming in pain, douses his head in the shower and goes back to bed. Point being, Ms. Maddie Fross is a fucking retard, and not in the socially acceptable and not at all funny Down Syndrome way, but the fucking annoying shouldn't be allowed to reproduce Silly, Belgium way.
Now I have never been to Belgium, and I know several perfectly acceptable Belgians, so please don't think that I have anything against that wonderful (though largely irrelevant) country. But when a member of your population, ex-pat or otherwise, uses seven exclamation points in three sentences, a line has been crossed. Next time Maddie, save the BBC readers some time and just write: 'Boom! Noise! Scared! Please shoot me, I'm a Silly retard!'


I was awoken early this morning by what I thought must have been a plane crash, the noise was extremely loud and unnerving!! The house was shaking to it's very foundations, I went outside to see what had happened and all I could see was this huge cloud of black smoke, and flames shooting high into the air!! Being a British citizen living in Belgium it took me a while to understand the extent of this disaster, I knew it was bad though, as all I could hear were ambulances and fire-engines going past my house every couple of minutes!!!
Maddie Fros, Silly, Belgium

Wanted: Fragile Social Scene

Whatever loose grasp I had on contemporary music has been relinquished (save the 14 year old girl genres favored by a certain flatmat) for an equally loose grasp of Financial Accounting, Marketing and whatever the fuck Observational Behaviour pretends to be. That being said, I have found a new group that I like very much and will now share with you: Broken Social Scene and their new self-titled album. For a taste of the goodness that is BSS click here, made available thanks to the tech wizardry of one Francis Lewis and my new online media archive on Ourmedia.com.
Strangely enough, the suggestion did not originate with the languishingly hip John Motley, who has in the past been my source of new, bleeding edge music, most including most recently Wolf Parade, Black Mountain, and Xiu Xiu who makes me feel confused. This is usually buttressed by a healthy dose of pitchforkmedia.com (adjacently linked). Ironically, I became familiar with BSS after reading an email from the very clever Bitter Investment Banker featured on Gawker. The link has been pasted below for your pleasure. Though the email is impossibly long, it is well written and quite sadistically enjoyable for those of us hoping to go into IB and those who know and pitty us.
Link: the-bitter-investment-banker-email

Cheerupguito

Blogger's throat hurts and laments his first class tomorrow.
Blogger will find solace in his fictional blogging world with picture and song:

Biker Bitch

Strange that my second time ever on a motorcycle (thanks to Sir Ian)
was my first time as a passenger. I'm sure there are very few people who can make that boast, fewer who would ever boast about something so stupid, and even less that had this first experience tearing down the straight’n lonesome roads of rural North Dakota.
<----(Actual Picture) Is it really necessary to say rural North Dakota, or is that implied? Regardless, there is no doubt that my first motorcycle experience elevated me to the rare air of Rough Rider Badass of the North Dakota Badlands, whereas my second experience, huddled behind a Colombian Marine on the back of his new 650cc Honda bike firmly established me in the category of bitch.
I won't say which designation I find more appealing, but there is no denying the pleasure I experienced cruising through the Barcelona streets, eaking through impossibly narrow spaces between cars, and feeling the snot of freedom flow from my liberated nose. My desire to buy a Moto for myself received a healthy injection of urgency, though it would be pointless to do so before Christmas break.
Thanks Ian, you're my favorite Colombian Marine at IESE.