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Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Billy's Back Baby!

September 20th, 1986, or as the people of Greater Thailand refer to it, Mauve Wednesday. For on this day in history, one William Michael Albert Broad, known to the world as Billy Idol, or to this Blogger simply as Vital, was carried across the Thai border by military and police escort, strapped to a hospital stretcher. On this day, Vital Idol was banned from Thailand, never to return............
Turn the clock forward 10 years to September 20th, 2006, and a new light shines on the Thai Peninsula. Bright eyes peer through the Mauve Gloom, as General Sonthi Boonyaratglin leads his victorious military faction through the streets of Bangkok, having just toppled the Anti Idol government in a coup d'etat, ending 10 years of what can only be accurately described as pure hell. Off in the distance, the chanting voices of millions can be heard, faintly at first, growing with confidence and hope..... Billy! Billy! Billy! Billy! Billy! Billy! Billy! Billy!

In those Halcyon days of 1986, after weeks of partying the likes of even Bangkok, infamous as a haven for the most depraved cravings had never experienced, Billy Idol was asked to leave the Presidential Suite of his posh Bangkok hotel. Though never officially documented, legend has it that Vital had employed a veritable harem of local talent, and inflicted hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of damage to the suite, having stayed well past his intended departure date. Upon the arrival of another hotel guest who had previously reserved the Presidential Suite, being an actual President of a neighboring country, Billy was again asked to leave. Refusing to vacate his unsanctuary, the local authorities were forced to intervene, subduing Billy in what I like to imagine as one of the epic hand to hand battles of all time. Picture Bruce Lee, on coke, with bleached blond hair, kicking like 80 Thai policemen's asses. Blogger does. Often.
It was only after Billy was shot with no less than 14 Ketamine darts (Ketamine, a Big Cat Tranquilizer is recreationally known as Special K, and considered an appetizer by Vital) that the authorities could subdue Billy, strap him to a stretcher and escort him out of the country. Despite the outcries and demonstrations from very likely every single Thai citizen, as Vital is HUGE in Thailand, the ban was enforced, depriving the Thais of Billy's angry British good looks and quick wit forever.

But sometimes there is a man. A man who's ear is so close to the heartbeat of his people, that the blood pumped to his brain by that heart carries the dreams and desires of an entire nation. That man is General Sonthi Boonyaratglin. That dream? End the dark times. End the Billy Ban!
Now some so called "experts", with "credentials" and who have more than a fourth grade "education" may tell you that the recent coup in Thailand was based on political turmoil and allegations of deeply rooted corruption under outgoing Prime Minister Thakskin Shinawatra.
Well, Blogger pities those people. We know what this coup is all about, and when Vital makes what can only be his imminent return to the land of the Pinching Dragon, takes his place upon the Golden Throne of Debauchery, the truth will not be denied.
The Mauve Curtain lifted, the days of dancing with themselves nothing but a bitter memory.
Billy Idol, Thailand salutes you.

9 Comments:

At 2:10 am, Blogger Bili Rubin said...

This better mean we're going to Thailand. I'm not going to be deprived anymore either.

 
At 11:06 am, Blogger Catalonic said...

Deprived of Billy? In New York, you have access to Vital any time you want it. And I'm still thinking Malaysia is a better bet, as they have been a historically Pro-Billy nation.

 
At 11:45 pm, Blogger NoellieBellie said...

We waited 6 months for ... Billy Idol? I mean, I love the guy, but really. that reminds me... I missed his concert in Bucharest. Damn!

 
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